The Mom in the Arena

Theodore Roosevelt’s famous words, “The Man in the Arena,” (See quote below) have inspired many.

Today, I want to speak directly to the young moms I’ve been watching in churches across America.

I see you trying hard. I see the battles you fight at home, the struggle to get to church, and the criticisms you endure from those around you.

I want to use my voice to say to you, young moms: Keep going. Keep pressing toward your goal of leading your kids to follow Christ.

I’ve heard the unkind words spoken by those who think they know better than the mom who is in the arena.

In the spirit of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, I submit this for your reading:

The Mom in the Arena

It’s not the critics at church, home, school, or work who count. It’s not the uncaring and forgetful moms and grandmas who laugh when you stumble, mock when you fail, or gossip about your perceived inadequacies. It’s not the voices from the sidelines who claim they could do better with twice as many kids and half the resources.

The credit belongs to the young mom in the arena of diapers, dirty clothes, and the never-ending Mount Laundry. The credit goes to the mom whose face bears more tears than makeup, more wrinkles than her years should show, and more gray hairs than her age should reflect.

The credit belongs to the mom trying to raise her children with Godly values, often alone. The proper credit goes to the mom who fights against the world’s culture and the negativity of others—scorned by those who forget the struggle and focus only on your lowest moments, when your children don’t measure up to their expectations.

You, dear mother, deserve the credit when you manage children in the mall, grocery store, or at church. Strangely, it’s the strangers who esteem you for trying, while those closer to you murmur and scorn you for not trying hard enough.

Mom, it’s you who counts as a mom of toddlers, teens, and tweens. We see you. We are proud of you. You count.

Mother, you are in the arena, and you are in the battle. Don’t listen to the blather of the critic; you matter. God trusted you with your children, not the malcontent in your life.

You are doing the deeds. You are walking your toddlers, teens, and tweens into the next generation. You give every moment of your day to teach them a love for God, for your family, and even for your critics.

You carry shame, guilt, fear, and anger even before anyone speaks a word of criticism. You may find this short essay hard to believe with all the words that play in your mind. You know all the critical thoughts you tell yourself before anyone even looks your way, casts a negative glance, or speaks a word.

But hear this from someone who is cheering you on: there is no shame, fear, anger, or condemnation from which God cannot release you. Dear Mother, when you are in Christ, no condemnation can stick.

Mom, do not be your own worst critic. Do not allow others to diminish you with their wagging fingers, loose lips, and cold hearts that haven’t borne kindness in decades.

You are a mom, and there is no effort without error and shortcomings. You know your why, your drive, and your calling. You are spending yourself on a worthy cause. Your children will rise and call you blessed.

You dared greatly to have children. Do not allow yourself to hear, believe, or receive the words of the cold and timid critics in your family, neighborhood, church, or community.

You are the mom in the arena, and many of us out here believe in you.

If you are not the mom in the arena, let me suggest this: be kind to the moms you see in the arena. She knows she’s not perfect without any word spoken by you. So, find the comforting word, not the corrective word. Find the helpful word, not the hurtful word. Find the words that build her up, not bruise her. Share a smile with each mom you see. Offer her help and a hand. She needs you to remember when you had no one to speak words of life into you, and to speak words of peace, not pain. Keep your opinions to yourself. You don’t know what it took for her to show up today. You don’t know what challenge she faced alone today. Choose to bless moms, not belittle them.

Roosevelt’s Quote:

The Man in the Arena

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

THEODORE ROOSEVELT

33 Questions about Church…

I wrote these questions and read them to a church during their missions conference.

I love church.

I love how imperfect people, united by grace, find unity, purpose, and answers in a messed-up world. In a culture which questions the value of church, its vital to ask these centering questions.

    1.    Why do you come to church?

    2.    Why do we have church?

    3.    Why did Christ start His church?

    4.    Does church membership have any meaning?

    5.    Is church just about the feeling we get or give?

    6.    Is church just about the sense of community it brings?

    7.    Is church just about the spiritual guides it provides? (pastoral staff)

    8.    Is church just about having help when we need to marry our kids, bury our dead, and administer care when life erupts?

    9.    Is church just about money?

    10.    Is church just about giving and receiving?

    11.    Is church just about giving grace in grief?

    12.    Is church just about showing love when life hurts?

    13.    Is church just about offering hope when life looks hopeless?

    14.    Is church just about judging others? (Judging=making others look or feel bad to affirm your self-righteousness)

    15.    Is church just about its ministries?

    16.    Is church just about its youth?

    17.    Is church just about its events?

    18.    Is church just about its people?

    19.    Is church exclusively about member maintenance?

    20.    What if church was intended to be more than its activities?

    21.    What if church was meant to be the base of operations for God’s mission?

    22.    What if the purpose of our meeting together each week was not for us or about us, but for the mission of God?

    23.    What if church membership meant I belong to a fellowship of believers focused on God’s mission in reaching every citizen of the world with the message of Jesus?

    24.    What if every ministry, activity, or event, was run through this filter? "How does this ministry, event, or activity bring the Gospel to people?"

    25.    What if we spent every moment of our days focused on God’s mission?

    26.    What if we saw ourselves as people of influence for the sake of Christ’s name and the Gospel?

    27.    What if we saw every relationship (kids, grandkids, and friends) as opportunities develop harvest workers?

    28.    What if we saw ourselves as ambassadors of the Great Commission and responsible for developing harvest relationships with people who do not know about God’s desire to adopt all men into his family?

    29.    What if the resources I have were meant to be used for the harvest?

    30.    What if my life was to be about God’s mission and nothing else?

    31.    What if I had to stand before God and give account for my involvement in God’s mission?

    32.    How much of your life is submitted to the will of God?

33. What if my life was to be about God’s mission and nothing else?  Hebrews 10:25

Thirty-nine Years ago

Thirty-nine year years ago this month in 2023, I began in ministry. On the anniversary of this event, I decided to write what I learned. I wrote these lessons to help me process, reflect, and remember the goodness of God over these years.

Fifty Lessons:

1. I chose not to see the scars, just the grace applied.

2. I decided not to feel the bruises, just the mercy received.

3. I chose not to remember pains, just the healing.

4. I stood by gravesides and knew God’s comfort.

5. I sat with the dying and knew hopeful sorrow.

6. I sat with the grieving and saw their grace in grief.

7. I am blessed to have friends and receive their forgiveness.

8. I am blessed to have walked the most challenging paths but was never alone.

9. I am blessed to know a real friend.

10. I learned that an enemy’s view of me is not God’s.

11. I learned those who made themselves enemies can become teachers, helpers, and friends.

12. I received mercy when I erred with friends.

13. I received grace for my faults and failures from friends.

14. I have seen betrayal and loyalty from the same person.

15. I learned hurt can become hope.

16. I learned disappointment can become a classroom.

17. I learned that the truth from the inner circle is better than flattery from any source.

18. I have known love because of my wife.

19. I held life’s greatest joy, the birth of a child.

20. I learned God enlarged my heart when I met our daughter-in-law.

21. I shed unfamiliar tears upon the news of a granddaughter joining our family.

22. I learned life’s greatest treasures are the relationships made.

23. I learned the greatest gift you can give your spouse, family, ministry, and supporters is being mentally and emotionally healthy and self-aware.

24. I learned prayer is the best response.

25. I learned it is best to believe in others.

26. I found forgiveness is better.

27. I found life is too precious to spend time pouting.

28. I learned with uncertainty to do the next right thing.

29. I discovered a child’s smile is life-giving.

30. I learned failures are not final.

31. I learned forgiveness is a choice.

32. I learned I do not need a man’s approval.

33. I learned holding the same doctrinal position is more straightforward than changing positions.

34. I learned a friend stays.

35. I learned that when God pauses my plans, He works out His plan.

36. I learned believing in people inspires them.

37. I learned responding in kind is different from responding with kindness.

38. I learned the cruelest and kindest words can come from the same people, including me.

39. I learned childhood wounds do not have to hinder you; they can help you.

40. I learned I choose when I can get over whatever hurt me.

41. I found remembering the delights of the Lord is better than remembering life’s disappointments.

42. I learned the hope of watching God work tomorrow is better than today’s frustration.

43. I learned discouragement is a luxury I cannot afford.

44. I know God is faithful.

45. I know God gives emotions.

46. I know God can.

47. I know God uses afflictions.

48. I know God’s word is true.

49. I know to everything, there is a season.

50. I know applying grace is easier than holding a grudge

Does one of these lessons resonate with you? What lessons have you learned that you want to share with me? Share yours in the comments, I would love to read them.

Embracing a Season of Suffering

Embracing a Season of Suffering

In recent months, God chose for Kim and me a season which required us to set aside every plan we had to assist Kim’s mom. 

Kim’s mother’s had eight surgeries in a matter of weeks to help her overcome a two-inch (five centimeters) tear resulting from a complication from outpatient surgery.

We learned lessons during this season as Kim’s mom hovered at death’s door for many days during her sixty-five days in the hospital. 

When going through a difficult time, it is easy to ask questions above our pay grade. We ask God, why? Why them? Why us? Why now? Why here?

I believe asking God is okay; doubting God is not okay. 

We are prone to make lists to rehearse with God the credentials of the one suffering. We do so as our objection or protest to what is happening. 

Internally, we recite our concerns, rehearse our worries, and desperately ask, “God, what are You doing?” We give God our questions asking why this season of suffering came. We tell God why it should not be the one He chose for this season of suffering. Our fears inform us this suffering is not just. Our faith tells us God is always working His will.

Perhaps during the initial moments of suffering, we are reconciling our will to His will about a new season in our lives and the life of the one suffering. 

Solomon, gave his heart to search out wisdom in all which takes place under heaven and to discover the sore travail God gives to men, said: “To every thing, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

A season is an appointed time for something to occur. God has appointed times or seasons for us to live through for His glory.

When seasons come, God has lessons to learn for the individual suffering. God gives suffering to those who are strong enough to bear it.  (1 Corinthians 10:13) 

Because one suffers, it does not mean the one suffering made sinful choices. Job was a perfect man who feared God and abstained from evil. Yet, God chose a seasoning of suffering for Job.

When suffering comes, nobody suffers alone. The suffering’s caregivers, prayer partners, and healthcare partners can observe and learn about God in this season of suffering.

As the son-in-law of the suffering one in our family, God gave me an observation post to this season of suffering. Below are thoughts I learned in this season of suffering. 

Seasons of suffering are:

• for learning about God’s purpose. (Eccl 3:1-11)

• for observing God’s hand and heart. (2 Chron 16:9)

• for listening to God’s word. (Psalm 119:71)

• for meditation and comfort. (Psalm 94:19)

• for a greater plan. (Gen. 50:20)

• not just for the one going through the most challenging times. (James 5:10-11)

• for revealing friendships. (Gal. 6:2; 2 Cor. 1:7)

• for reminding you of His presence. (Heb. 13:5)

• for sensing God’s comfort. (2 Cor. 1:4)

• for preparing me for the next season to comfort others. (2 Cor. 1:4)

We are better when we learn to embrace the season in which He’s placed us. In your season of suffering, whether as the participant or the observer of the suffering, keep listening; keep learning; keep trusting. 

Perhaps you know someone who is in their season of suffering. I encourage you to assure the suffering you prayed for them. Remind those who suffer. You are there if they need you. 

It is okay if the suffering does not ask you for any help. They know you will help when a specific need arises. Give them space in their suffering and grace when they are silent. 

On behalf of Kim’s family, thank you for being here during this season of suffering. As we embrace this season of suffering, your love, thoughts, and prayers comfort us.

Thank you.

You’re Not Alone — Resource From Ninth Hour Prayer Meeting

On April 11, 2020, my sisters, Bonny and Charie, along with my niece Rachel, Bonny’s daughter, appeared with me on the Ninth Hour Prayer Meeting. (The Ninth Hour Prayer Meeting is an online prayer meeting where we pray about COVID-19 and every aspect of life and ministry)

The Prayer Meeting offers two parts. A segment of information and a part of intercession. COVID-19 touches every aspect of life, homes, and ministry. We share information on how the virus affects life and ministry. We then take our petitions to the Lord.

While on the Ninth Hour Prayer Meeting, my niece and sisters, who are Christian School educators, spoke of how COVID-19 affects students and parents. They compiled a resource for parents whose children are in home-bound education. The resource is available below. If my child or I knew a child who was in home-bound education or home-based education, get this resource. If you are a parent or know a parent, get this resource.

Link to download

Follow Up: I answer Steve Jobs' question and your questions raised by the post

Does God know about this and what’s going to happen to those children?

Yesterday, a reader asked me to answer Steve Jobs’ question from this blog post.

Steve Jobs’ question:

“Well, does God know about this and what’s going to happen to those children?”

The minister replied:

“Steve, I know you don’t understand, but yes, God knows about that.”

My answer:

God knew these children. God knew each one’s name. God knew their suffering.

God used the evil choices of man to bring these children to a place where they would never know hunger. They would never know pain again. They would never again know loneliness. They would never cry again. Ever. They would never face evil.

What happened to those young children? They were ushered into eternity and have been in His presence since their death. God cares for them in His house.

Does God see man’s evil? Yes!

Does God give man the choice of good and evil? Yes!

We cannot want a God who gives us a choice, but removes evil choices and leaves only good choices. Either He allows us to choose evil and good.

Man chose sin over God. Sin separated man from God. God gives man a choice to respond to Him or reject Him. These who were obliterated in Nigeria, God knew everyone by name. He will hold those accountable

He is the Judge of the whole earth. He will always do right.

A reader asked 💬 :

God knew those children would face that abject poverty (just as He knows some will choose to go to Hell). So . . . knowing that, why did He create the people who would ultimately be in those situations?

I replied:

Steve Jobs asked why didn’t God do something about the evil which produced the terror in Biafra — Coastal Nigeria in 1968.

God also knows, on every continent, who will live in opulence and go to Hell. Why did He create those who chose to be, and are rich, to only know comfort and ease, to go to hell? Hell is still hell no matter the living conditions on earth.

God created man (poor or rich) in His image. He wired every man for light. (John 1:9) He sent His children on a mission to tell the world (Mark 16:15) He will adopt everyone in His family. (Galatians 4:4-5)

The rich and poor must be told the gospel. The rich and poor must obey the gospel. The rich and poor must have people sent to tell them the Gospel.

Man’s evil choice killed children. We cannot have a God who permits selective choices based on a provisional code of morality. And who, based on a provisional code of morality, remove choices.

A reader’s thought 💬 :

If any person keeps a wrong idea from age 14 to build their life decisions on as an adult SHAME ON THEMSELVES...

I replied:

I made a life decision based on a decision when I was four. I built my life on this choice; I chose Christ.

The original article from LIFE Magazine article which Steve Jobs read is found here. {Warning: Images are Disturbing}

How would you answer Steve Jobs’ question? We must always have an answer. 1 Peter 3:15

How a Lutheran minister reminded me of why I will listen and connect with children and teens and why you should too.

In Walter Isaacson’s book. “Steve Jobs” the author tells of a pivotal moment in the Apple Founder’s teen years.

When I read this account I was reminded again why I stop and give answers when asked questions by young people.

“Even though they were not fervent about their faith, Jobs’s parents wanted him to have a religious upbringing, so they took him to the Lutheran church most Sundays. That came to an end when he was thirteen. In July 1968 Life magazine published a shocking cover showing a pair of starving children in Biafra. Jobs took it to Sunday school and confronted the church’s pastor. “If I raise my finger, will God know which one I’m going to raise even before I do it?”

The pastor answered, “Yes, God knows everything.”

Jobs then pulled out the Life cover and asked, “Well, does God know about this and what’s going to happen to those children?”

“Steve, I know you don’t understand, but yes, God knows about that.”

Jobs announced that he didn’t want to have anything to do with worshipping such a God, and he never went back to church. He did, however, spend years studying and trying to practice the tenets of Zen Buddhism. Reflecting years later on his spiritual feelings, he said that religion was at its best when it emphasized spiritual experiences rather than received dogma. ”

Excerpt From: Walter Isaacson. “Steve Jobs.” iBooks.

The Lutheran minister in Steve Job’s church missed an opportunity to make a difference.

I do not want to miss an opportunity.

I want to hear the hard questions. I want to listen to a person figuring out their crisis of faith and offer biblical answers I want to point to precepts when they exist. I want to share biblical principles when they apply. I want to point to when something is a preference and the wisdom of moving a personal fence-line far from the edge of what I perceive may lead to sin

I want our young people to have someone who will always listen with love, answer their questions, and point them to truth. I want young people to know their value to God at this age in life

If you dismiss a young person, you ignore their questions, and do not give satisfactory answers who will you drive away from God?

Who have you driven away from God?